i just feel like fucking crying, i feel like im angry at the whole world for no apparent reason! i dont know what the fuck is going on in my head its like its BLANK!!

Fear?...

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what is fear? that is a hard question, everyone has different types of fears, things or people they are scared of.

but its the pain you feel in your heart when you thought you knew someone, when you knew they would not ever hurt you... but what happens when that one person that you feel so much for comes along and does all you ever thought he would not do? how would you feel? how would you describe this kind of fear. 

being scared of you makes me scared of being with you, every time you raise your hand ill flinch because of the past, because i will be scared... do i want that?

DO I REALLY?

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6 Months..

22nd October 2011

These months flew by, they went so quick that I don't even know how its possible. I've never cared about a guy as much as I care about you.

thinking about you...

i think about you in my sleep, i think about you when i wake up, i think about you before i go sleep, i think about you when i'am at college, and i just cant stop thinking about you. i look back at the memories, at the times we'd lay and stare in each others eyes. i can feel it in my heart i can feel it in my bones, i can feel the tingles when you touch me. i feel like when i'am with you i can forget about all the problems!

baby your the apple of my eye, yeah we argue sometimes, but we'll always find a way to sort it out and it shows how much we care about each other because if we didn't we wouldn't care if we were upset or annoyed with each other.

when your around i feel like my world is brighter then ever, my heart skims a beat. But when you leave my world darkens all the problems come back, i cant stop thinking about you, what your doing, are you at home? are you thinking about me? i just cant get you out of my head, i don't know what it would be like without you and trust me i don't want to find out.

i'd be lost, it would be like leaving middle school and going high school, you would be lost, you would have to find your way around all over again, from the start, everything will be new. but i don't want anything new. i like the way things are now and i don't ever want it to change.

i'am writing this whilst thinking about you (again), you've just left a few hours ago but i already miss you, just thinking about the fact that i'm going to have to fall asleep with out you makes my heart slow down. baby i love you so much!

Easter

Boring, Boring, Boring!

Easter Sunday at my aunties house and Monday at our house! lucky tomorrow is free! Enough is enough! 

Listen to this yeah, i got 1 Easter egg and we had 21 people? WONDERFUL. Theres no fun in Easter without Easter eggs, i wouldn't eat them but common at least they'll be there. 

I'am just happy that Christmas is soooo far away haha 

 

APRIL FOOLS BABY!

Today i tricked my boyfriend, i told him i was pregnant! he fell for it, luckily for him he behaved like a man! I am so happy that i found a man that will stick by me what ever the weather, he cares for me and he makes me feel special. Being pregnant is not easy, all of the sudden finding out that your life is going to change like that but he took it like a man, he said that we could figure it out together and see what would happen next.

That is what i love you for Eli!

Streets Of London!

i can stare at you forever (yeah i know its rude, but i just cant help it), i want die one day before you just so that i can say i haven't lived a day without you.

My amazing boyfriend, the sunshine in my world!

 I Love You Baby <3

where it all comes from

It comes from you, from the love of my life. You make me smile when i want to be mad at you and make me feel like together we can do anything. You make me feel wanted and safe whilst being scared of getting hurt, but i know you let anything bad happen to me that you'll always be there by my side whether i its the good times or the bad times. The times where i look like shit and you'd still tell me 'baby your beautiful'.

Our crazy times, there the best memories i have, the ones were we lough like were crazy and hug like we never want to let go of each other. They are the smallest things yet have the biggest effect on our life's

baby i love you so much!

SHOCK?

The shock you get when you find out shit that you never wanted to know,
well not from FACEBOOK any way!!


Sometimes i still wonder how stupid i must be to believe guys, they say 'i am different from the the other guys!' BULLSHIT your all the same, lying, hiding the truth and anything that could be important!

Missing you aint easy, infact its he hardest thing i do every day. I wake to an empty bed with nothing to make me smile at the start of this day... if only you were here with me... 

I could go through any pain through the worst nightmares just to be with you, but is it possible? We  have our own lifes as well but i still dont care all i want is you to be here with me every day and minute of my life, but is it possible? Will you stop loving me, will the careness fade away? We'll just have to wait and see how much you do care about me and how long i will be yours and only yours!

Pomysl tylko jak by to bylo, jak by sie wszystko sie nie zmienilo, jak by ten czas wcale nie minol tak szybko. Te najpiekniejsze czasy szybko przysly a jeszcze szybciej odeszly, a ja tylko chialam jednego... zeby zawsze byc przy Twojim boku. Czy to naprawde jest tak duzo? Czy naprawde tak wiele chcem?